


Lance's Journal

by IggyScones



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Diary/Journal, Gay Male Character, Lance (Voltron) is a Mess, Lance doesn't feel loved, Langst, M/M, Pansexual Lance (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2017-03-24
Packaged: 2018-09-30 07:22:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 6,175
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10157330
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/IggyScones/pseuds/IggyScones
Summary: Lance starts to keep a journal at the beginning of their journey.





	1. Chapter 1

JOURNAL ENTRY: ONE

12:38AM (Day 5)

I don’t even like Frasier. I don’t know why I let it play in the background, but that’s not the point of this. It’s been a while since I’ve kept a journal. If I remember correctly the last time was in middle school, and it was mostly filled with my personal freakouts over being gay or what I later figured out was pansexual. Oh no. How dare I be slightly homo?! 

*Shakes fist*

Sheesh. Digress much? Anyway, I’m keeping this to get my thoughts out. I noticed I’ve been quick to anger and easily agitated lately, so I’m hoping this helps alleviate some stress. Alright let’s list some worries.

• I’m scared I’ll fail my team. I've never been a good pilot  
• I’m having headaches all the time  
• I’m not sleeping well or enough  
• I don’t know how I will contact my family  
• I’m scared Hunk, Pidge, and I will stop being friends  
• I’m scared I won’t be making any new friends  
• I’m afraid I’ll grow to hate my duties as a paladin  
• I’m scared of not getting good enough to defeat Zarkon  
• I’m scared I’ll fall for a teammate or alien and they'll die in this war  
• I’m scared I’ll never be able to go home

Wow that’s a lot, I know. I’m “too young to worry so much,” and that’s not even the full list. That’s just the main worries. Don’t get me started on my worries about family and my own mental state. It would’ve gone on forever. Why do I even type this like it’s directed at someone? No one’s gonna read this. I could just type random shit. Dick. Balls. Dick and Balls. Ass. Titties. Ass and Titties. TiTtIeS. Ha. I amuse myself. God Frasier really isn’t that funny, and the outfits are just terrible. I get it’s old, but seriously? Like, Golden Girls has better costume design, but then, again, Golden Girls is also lit and utterly ageless. It’ll never not be funny. Dorothy is my spirit animal. But yeah, it’s late. I’m gonna continue this some other time.

This was stupid anyway.


	2. Chapter 2

JOURNAL ENTRY: TWO

10:36AM (Day 15)

We saved the Balmera yesterday, a super awesome planet that’s like also a living thing? I wonder if it’s like a nice alien like the alien from the Alien movies? Like it doesn’t need food or air and can survive in the vacuum of space.

It’s like a weird Area 51-esque story that Keith would come up with. Would Keith enjoy a conversation about it?

Keith. Ugh, he’s a mullethead. It’s official. Mullethead is a word, an insult. It’s a Keith-specific insult. It is only to be used on, about, and in reference to Keith.

He didn’t even remember our rivalry, and as much as that bothered me at first I get it now. He was preoccupied with his own life, and Shiro played a huge role in that. I can’t fault him for paying attention to more important things. Who in their right mind would’ve noticed me?

 

Other than the ladies that is.

I just wanted to get out of the cargo pilot class.

I used to dream about becoming a fighter pilot, and I feel kind of bad that I’d keep my Mama up at night with those wild stories I’d made up. I’d tell her about all the adventures I’d go on when I was older and graduated. 

I used to know where I was going, but ever since I’ve found Blue, I don’t know…

Don’t get me wrong I love Blue, but I think she deserves better. She deserves an actual pilot, not some cargo-shipping wannabe who chased their not-really-a-rival rival. Even now, I can feel her in my head. She’s telling me to think higher of myself, to know she chose me for a reason. I mean, we barely beat that robeast, and the only reason we did is because of Allura and the Balmera. If she hadn’t healed the planet, and in turn, allowed the Balmera to save us, the five paladins of Voltron and the last of the Alteans would’ve been toast, along with Hunk’s girlfriend. Rock friend. Rock he admires.

Blue keeps whispering that she chose me for a reason, but I just can’t help but think how things have probably changed after she’s spent 10,000 years asleep. Hell, just the other day I had to stay in the healing pod for an entire day. What kind of pilot can't even stay conscious? I'm just glad Coran's okay.

Gotta go. Hunk’s making brunch.


	3. Chapter 3

JOURNAL ENTRY: THREE

4:52PM (Day 23)

KEITH IS SO STUPID.

That asshole honestly tried to take Zarkon by himself. He could’ve gotten himself killed! ~~I can’t lose him.~~ The team can’t afford to lose the Red Paladin. Without him, we can’t form Voltron, and we didn’t even know what Zarkon is capable of. Coran even told him not to!

I just… I don’t know what I would do if he got himself killed. I’m supposed to be the calm and collected one. It goes hand in hand with being the Blue Paladin, but his instinctiveness is necessary. He goes hard or goes home, and the quick actions keep us functioning. Not to mention, he can be spontaneous, although that isn’t always a good thing. The other day he purposely scared the quiznak (Am I using that right?) out of Pidge when ~~he~~  she came around the corner. Hunk filmed it.

I wish they would’ve told me so I could have been there. I think I’m going to try talking to him. Though, Lord knows he probably won’t give me the time of day. He warmed up to me, but after I pretended not to remember him cradling holding me, he’s been kinda angry. I don’t blame him. I’d be mad too, but I don’t wanna accept it.

I realize now that my stupid rival phase was me trying to cope with a crush on someone who literally never gave me the time of day. The first words he said to me were on the day we found Shiro, and we’d been in the same schools for most of our lives!

Honestly, I’m still kind of bitter about that. It’s not an easy thing to get over, especially over the course of, like, three weeks. It makes me start to wonder what he thinks about me. He isn’t exactly the type to talk about feelings. How would I even do that? “Hey, Mullethead, I’ve had a crush on you for years and have been hiding it behind a false sense of malice and rivalry. And, now that we’re trapped in space on a deadly mission with five other people, you should totally date me.”

No, the best course of action would be to take things slow. If my feelings further develop, I’ll plan out a confrontation. If they don’t, this never happened.


	4. Chapter 4

JOURNAL ENTRY: FOUR

2:38AM (Day 40)

Getting trapped on that water planet  with Hunk and the mermaids made me realize something.

I like to help people. I always knew that doing the right thing was supposed to make you feel good, but freeing a people from some evil giant sea creature really makes you appreciate that warm, fuzzy feeling.

And sure the merpeople were beautiful, still pretending not to have noticed those guards’ muscles, but unlike before, that isn’t what drove me. I wanted to help them because they were innocent and something dark was going on. If you think about it, it’s kind of a metaphor for Zarkon.

Okay, I need to stop before I turn into an emo like Keith. Next thing you know, I’ll be writing poetry or something.

Speaking of Keith, though, something seems to have happened between him and Shiro while they were separated from the rest of the team. And I mean something other than Shiro’s injury, which is healing nicely after we shoved him into the healing pod.

I think I’m gonna ask Keith what happened. Brb.

 

 

Okay talk about the worst idea ever. I totally forgot everyone else is sleeping. Word of advice, do not wake up Keith. He WILL throw his knife at you. I’m just lucky I have the lightning quick reflexes of a god.

Shit, I think he got my shoulder a little bit. It’s bleeding a little more than I think it should. I don’t wanna get in the healing pod, though. I miss too much. I think I’ll just go have Coran bandage it. Hopefully, he won’t be as grumpy as Keith. 


	5. Chapter 5

JOURNAL ENTRY: FIVE

7:48PM (Day 56)

That spore fight was really fun, and it’s incredible that (not only did the Olkari program spores) Pidge could decode them! If you don’t think that’s the tightest shit, get outta my face.

That cube thing was pretty cool too, not gonna lie. And Pidge’s unlocked power is dope. I’m kinda jelly, but I’m also glad she’s discovered something new about herself. She looked genuinely happy, and that’s a blessing nowadays. It’s hard to be lighthearted when you’re fighting a war.

Honestly, I’m kind of jealous of Pidge. She’s discovered herself and knows what she’s capable of, and while Blue and I have bonded, it’s not really the same. I’m still questioning who I am as a member of the team. Sure I’m the right leg and all, but that’s Voltron. What am I as Lance? Am I the comedian? Not really. Hunk’s got a great sense of humor, and Pidge is a snarky kind of funny. The ladies man? Eh, I haven’t really hit it off with anyone…ever. Okay, I can probably flirt my way out of any situation, but I don’t think I’ve ever really connected with any of the people I’ve approached. The one I thought was genuinely interested was a traitor trader alien that tried to betray us and take Blue. I’m not the leader, and I can’t hold my own in battle like Keith. I’m not royalty or smart enough to be an advisor like Allura and Coran, and I’m definitely not cut out for diplomacy like them either.

I guess I’ll find out eventually, but it sucks to not know. I feel like I’m having some sort of existential crisis. I can’t even find it in myself to eat. I’m sitting at the table writing this with my arm panel with a full plate of food in front of me.

It’s good food too. Hunk made it. I swear, if I wasn’t sure he’s my platonic soulmate I’d ask him to marry me.

And I don’t usually crave attention (the lack of it is something you get used to with 8 siblings). But it kinda sucks that no one’s noticed.

Maybe that’s their way of telling me I should just get over it.

 

My shoulder is getting better. Coran tried to convince me to use a healing pod. He insisted that the injury from Keith’s knife acrobatics was too big to simply get bandaged, but after some coaxing on my part, he totally gave up. He wasn’t happy about it though.

I’m not gonna lie, it throws my shot a little bit. I’ve been missing more than usual, but I don’t think anyone’s noticed. They didn’t take me seriously as a marksman anyway.

On the bright side, it’ll leave a cool-looking scar.


	6. Chapter 6

JOURNAL ENTRY: SIX

11:30PM (Day 67)

Keith saw the scar he left on me. We were trapped in the elevator together. I just wanted to make it to the pool, but he just _had_ to have the same idea. But the stupid power cut out and we were left with creepy, red backup-generator light.

I think what drew his attention was how skittish I was. But it’s not my fault. It’s not every  day you’re locked in a small, confined space with the person you’ve admired for years! ~~(AND HE WAS SHIRTLESS I COULDN’T HAVE WON)~~

He studied me, I guess trying to figure out what was up. He’s not exactly a man of many words. He noticed it, and he casually asked how I got it. And then, he, not so casually, refused to look at me.

No one that amazing should ever wear a face like that.

So I tried to cheer him up by telling him I wouldn’t let Coran put me in the healing pod, and he actually slapped me! That asshole _slapped_ me! He went off on this tangent like “Lance how could you be so stupid, blah, blah, blah.” And “For the sake of Voltron, blah, blah, blah.”

Honestly, I know why he was mad. I jeopardized Voltron by not healing myself properly, and I get it. Voltron is a symbol of hope for the universe and the only way to defeat Zarkon.

But, it honestly felt like an insult. He didn’t even ask why I didn’t let Coran put me in the healing pod. He just assumed I was being stupid and selfish.

And yeah maybe it was a bit selfish, but if you had nightmares of watching your friends die, frozen on the inside of a healing pod with no way to help, you’d stay out, too.

 

And then I yelled at him. It wasn’t a normal yelling like “Stay away from Blue, Mullethead!” I literally yelled at him to shut up and that he didn’t know anything about me. I must’ve sounded hysteric.

It shut him up really quick. Then again, _that_ might have been the tears. I cried a little bit (in a manly way of course), remembering those fucked up dreams and of course because of my crush having slapped me. (Shit hurt, dude)

We didn’t talk about it after I managed to calm down. We just figured out how to climb the elevator shaft, which was frightening. I’m glad I don’t have a fear of heights or I might have pulled a Hunk back there.

 

We still haven’t really talked since then. I mean, we communicate on missions when we need to, and I gotta keep the spirits up. But we haven’t had a real conversation since that…incident(?)

It sucks, to be honest. I may pretend to hate Keith, but he’s good company. He doesn’t talk too much or too little, and he can keep things interesting. I think I miss him. Is that weird?

I think I’m gonna go try and talk to him.

 

 

 

 

Well, he didn’t throw a knife at me this time. Honestly, he looked kind of guilty when he saw it was me. I really should’ve planned what to say because we sat there for a really awkward few ticks before he started apologizing.

It was weird to hear him say sorry. To be honest, from what I’ve gathered of his past, he should be the one people apologize to. He’s gotten the shit end of the stick for most of his life, but he never complains. Kinda makes me feel insecure. I’ve had things pretty good, but I still find reason to complain.

I wanted to tell him sorry too. I wanted to apologize for sucking on missions and being a dead weight at times. I wanted to apologize for everything, especially me. But I couldn’t find the words, so I just sat there, staring at his miserable face until he got the message I wasn’t going to say anything. And then he told me I should leave.

And I fucked up.

He told me I should leave, and I swear I was going to. But something in me just snapped. I just, lost control. I needed something. I’m not sure what. Maybe I needed him to know my feelings. Maybe I needed some physical comfort after so much isolation from my family. Maybe I’m just a horny teenage boy, but what I did was stupid and totally taking advantage of Keith in a distressed state.

I kissed him.


	7. Chapter 7

JOURNAL ENTRY: SEVEN

8:49PM (Day 77)

Shiro called me the team sharpshooter today. Filled me up with warm fuzzies. But seriously, feeling validated is nice. I’ve been questioning myself lately. Keith and Shiro have an obvious past, and I know Shiro sees him like a brother, if not more. Hunk and Pidge are the geniuses, and they always talk tech with each other. And, obviously, Coran and Allura are connected because they are the last Alteans. I’m feeling like the seventh wheel lately.

I’ve given it some thought, and I don’t really have a thing. That might be my thing: not having a thing. If that makes any sense. Every crew needs an expendable person for a last resort.

If we needed someone to stay behind and make sure a base blows up, that’d be me. I’ve worked it all out in my head.

Yeah, Hunk would be sad, but he’d have Pidge to keep him company. And I’m not entirely sure the rest of the team would feel much at all, especially not Keith.

After I kissed him the other night he told me to never touch him again. Then he kicked me out of his room. He’s also kept his distance. He won’t come within a few feet of me, and there’s a tension between us now. I don’t think he trusts me quite the same as he used to.

And I don’t blame him. What I did was a dick move. I just wanna talk to him about it, apologize, but every time we’re left alone, he makes up an excuse to leave. I guess he really didn’t feel the same. Maybe it’s for the best.

 

Slav is pretty annoying. I would’ve preferred Laika to him anyday. At least, Laika didn’t panic as much, even if he(she?) could only say one word. Never gonna live that embarrassment down.

I think I’m gonna go practice my shooting, my aim is getting better because I’m getting used to my shoulder again. Although the change in gravity from planet to planet is still a bit weird. The suits help regulate the effect on our bodies, but it makes the gun a little bit difficult at times.

Anyway, off to training I go. I’ll write some more after all this is over.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After this chapter, things are post season 2 and will be my own ideas for what is happening.

JOURNAL ENTRY: EIGHT

5:48AM (Day 82)

Shiro’s gone.


	9. Chapter 9

JOURNAL ENTRY: NINE

6:02PM (Day 112)

It’s been a long time since I’ve done this, more than a month.

 

A lot has changed since Shiro went missing. Black, much to Keith’s (and probably Shiro’s dismay) didn’t choose him. Black chose Allura.

I guess it makes sense. She’s a leader, born to be as a princess, and while I take orders from her just fine, it’s strange to fight alongside her. I’m happy Keith doesn’t have to leave Red, who is obviously very protective of him, but there’s something about this arrangement that doesn’t feel permanent.

If you ask me, I think Keith’s not ready to lead and that’s why Black hasn’t let him pilot her. It’s painfully obvious that he’s still grieving. And I get it. They were close. Maybe they were closer than I gathered, ~~which would suck,~~ but he’s a total wreck. Honestly, I doubt anyone’s taking him seriously right now, which really sucks.

I don’t think I’ve ever pitied Keith before.

Pidge is a wreck, too. She mentioned once that Shiro and her brother were close, so it’s natural she feels connected to Matt through Shiro. I guess having him around gave her hope that he’d help with the search. She hasn’t been as driven lately, and she doesn’t mess with tech as much anymore. Unless it has to do with a mission, she stays out of the lab. She sleeps a lot more now.

Hunk hasn’t cooked since Shiro went missing. He mopes a lot. I can hear him singing sad songs to himself sometimes. He just cleans the kitchen over and over again, even though it’s barely used and never dirty. He once let it slip right before he went to bed one night that he wanted to bake with Shiro when he got back. So the kitchen has to be ready.

Coran talks about Shiro like an old Russian woman whose son Dmitri went off to war and never came back. Yeah, except it’s a lot sadder in person. He keeps telling and retelling the same stories about the time he has spent with Shiro. That one time he let Coran take a look at his arm, and the other time they stayed up late into the night together so Coran could talk about his lost home and culture. He starts tearing up after that one.

Allura has it the worst, next to Keith. I didn’t really notice the feelings she had for Shiro before now. I guess she was good at hiding it, but now there’s probably no point. She broke down in tears shortly after Black called to her. She spent at least two hours crying in the cockpit before calming down enough to congratulate us on the battle against Zarkon.

It doesn’t really feel like a victory.

She’s also been talking to Coran about another Altean. I hear the word “Haggar” a lot. I’m not sure what it means. They get quiet when I get near, and sometimes they even halt the conversation altogether. Everyone else has noticed it, too.

I’m sure she’ll talk to us about it when she’s ready.

I’m pretty certain someone just walked by my room. I’m gonna see who it was.

 

 

It was Keith. He was crying, and it looked like he was sweating. He must’ve come from the training deck. He had fresh bruises, too. I think he’s been trying difficulties too high above his skill level. He acts like he’s got something to prove. The being part Galra thing seems to bother him, but not in a who he is kind of way. He’s always had that kind of confidence, but he seems wary of us lately. It’s like he thinks we’ll snap at him or something.

I asked him if he wanted to talk, but he just looked at me. It was a hard look to decipher. I’ve always been decent at reading people, but there was so much going on with him.

Before he left, he asked a weird question. He said “Why would you follow someone like me?” I didn’t know what to say. How do you tell someone that you’d follow them to the ends of the universe, other than the obvious “I’d follow you to the ends of the universe”? Instead, all I could get out was “Save the bullshit for your emo poems, Mullethead. You’re the only one thinking bad about you.” Of course,  _I'd_ be the type of guy to say that kind of thing to his grieving crush.

It made him smile, which is way more than I expected, but it’s not what I wanted to say. I couldn’t tell him all that he means to us, to me. I mean, no offense to the princess, but Keith is the only person I’d throw everything on the line for. He comes first. He’s family.

He has so much power over me, and it’s terrifying.


	10. Chapter 10

JOURNAL ENTRY: TEN

8:23AM (Day 130)

We got a distress signal yesterday, but because we couldn’t see any ships from the planet’s atmosphere, Allura decided to send in Keith and me. Our lions are the fastest. Well, Keith’s is the fastest, but I don’t think she wanted to send Keith alone. She trusts him now, the being galra thing now overlooked, but she’s still worried about him. She looks at him the same way Shiro ~~does~~ did when he overworked himself.

We would've taken the pods, but Coran recently sent Pidge to upgrading them. He wanted to give her something to do so she'd get out of bed more, so they're still under maintenance.

We were supposed to do some recon and then head back to the ship to coordinate an approach based on what we found.

 

And now I’m sitting across from Keith in a prison cell on the lowest level of a galra battle cruiser. At least, that’s what the guard said.

I heard two of them talking about someone named Lotor who is on his(her?) way to see us. When I asked who Lotor is, one of the guards just made that anime “tch” noise at me and said nothing. ~~I kinda miss anime.~~  

Keith won’t look at me. He probably thinks it’s his fault we’re in here. He was being hotheaded and charged right at a small fleet without thinking. We didn’t even see the hidden ships. It was an ambush.

He wasn’t always so hotheaded. Yeah, he was instinctive, but that wasn’t like this. It was quick on his feet and a survival-esque type of quick paced, but he has a hard time keeping himself in check. I think Shiro helped him stay calm.

Honestly, I feel like I've been keeping track of everyone, trying to get everyone to stay calm and together and not totally lose it. I always thought that Shiro was someone to admire, but I never thought I'd come to love him to the point where I'd miss him if he's gone. And yeah, it's love, not "do me" love but familial. He's like an older bro, a dad. He's a space dad, if you will. 

But where's my time to grieve? Why can't I cry or sob or sit in my lion for hours? He was my leader and friend too! But if I don't keep things together, no one will be able to function, and that's not me boasting. I had to literally drag Allura out of bed, and Pidge had to help her get dressed. I had to force Coran to get into bed, or he would've stayed up all night searching for Shiro's signal.

I just want to cry. Is that so much to ask?

 

Gotta go, the guards are doing a shift change. If they catch me with this thing, they’ll think I’m communicating with the rest of the team.

Can’t let the SOS my suit is sending out go quiet now.

 

I just hope we’re still in range.


	11. Chapter 11

JOURNAL ENTRY: ELEVEN

2:49PM (Day 132)

According to the guards, this Lotor guy showed up today, and he’s preparing to interrogate us. Or something like that. Personally, I’m just glad that something other than the guards making jokes with each other will happen. Do you know how _boring_ it is to do nothing but sit in a room across from someone that won’t talk to you? I’m having flashbacks to middle school detention, and for the record, I did _not_ put those tacks on Mrs. Burt’s chair. That was Randy.

I hear footsteps, I’m gonna pause this for now.

 

 

Okay, so Lotor is, in fact, _Zarkon’s fucking son._ “Prince” Lotor. I mean, I’m just shocked that someone would want to sleep with Zarkon. Maybe Lotor was a test tube baby.

Anyway, the dude’s super duper tall (like 7 feet) and has long ass white hair. It’s kinda like Allura’s but it’s straight. He also doesn’t have strictly yellow eyes. His sclera (thank you Hunk for the word in 9th grade) is yellow, but his irises are purple, like Keith’s. Honestly, he’d be hot if he wasn’t a huge dick.

He just waltzed up in the cell and headed straight toward Keith. Apparently, being a half-breed is interesting. So obviously, when he started getting rough with Keith, I did the only rational thing one could do in my situation. I threw my shoe at him.

I think it’s safe to say that throwing your shoe at a crazy ~~hot~~ alien prince is not the best idea, but he didn’t look angry.

He looked intrigued, and then he came towards me. I don’t know what he did, but I’m pretty sure he sniffed me? And then he just smiled (it was, like, really creepy) and left. But like, right before he left, he mumbled something about the color blue. I don't think it's a coincidence.

Ugh, Keith is finally trying to talk to me. I’ll write some more later on.


	12. Chapter 12

JOURNAL ENTRY: TWELVE

4:34PM (Day 133)

Apparently, it is frowned upon by the right arm of Voltron to throw your shoes at evil 7ft Galra princes. Keith chewed my ass out for totally rescuing his butthole. Geez, you'd think he _is_ one.

When he was done fussing at me like the wife he is, he told me that Lotor seemed to have an interest in me. I asked him what the hell he meant by that. I was sure Lotor was just fascinated someone would be dumb enough to throw something at him.

Apparently, Lotor’s scent changed when he looked at me? I didn’t even know that was a thing. Keith was hesitant to talk about it. He doesn’t like to exercise his galra…ness.

 

Heritage. Heritage was the word I was looking for.

But, yeah, he’s not super sure, but Keith says that he gets a very distinct Alpha-like vibe from Lotor, and that his scent was super abrasive when he first walked into the cell. According to him, it changed to something sweeter when he made his way over to me. I’m not sure what that means, but we both agree we might be able to make that work for us.

 

I apologized to Keith for kissing him.

He blushed pretty hard before shaking his head. He apologized for kicking me out afterwards. He told me he’s never had anyone romantically interested in him (which is total bullshit because he’s amazing) so he was shocked and didn’t know how to handle it.

It sucks he doesn’t seem to return my feelings, but at least we’ve cleared the air

Shit, I think someone’s coming. It’s not time for a guard change. ???

 

 

 

Okay, I’m going to start by saying it is now 6:48, so it’s been two hours since I wrote the above.

Lotor came down again, but this time he totally ignored Keith. He booked it straight for me, and he actually took me out of the cell. It was really weird, he had me follow him around the ship. I would’ve tried something, but I’m not exactly in the best shape after doing nothing and eating very little food. They don’t take good care of us. Why would they? Not to mention, he had fucking guards walk with us.

It was stupid too, he just talked to me about the empire and gave me some facts about him. His accent and attitude were actually pleasant. I might’ve enjoyed his company if he weren’t a killer prince that could snap my neck at any moment.

He told me his favorite color is blue, and he asked me what my name was. He also told me about how mean his father was to him. I expected nothing less from a 10,000-year emperor that enslaved most of the goddamn universe. He also told me that he used to have this huge crush on Allura but that recent developments have changed that fact. Honestly, I  _really_ don't like what that implies.

The thing that has me shaken though is that when he brought me back to the cell, he leaned down and like smelled my neck. Ugh it was so creepy. I can still feel it. And for some reason, it made Keith’s eyes widen, and he looked _pissed_.

I think I’m gonna grill him on what that means.


	13. Chapter 13

JOURNAL ENTRY: THIRTEEN

3:33AM (Day 134)

Okay so, apparently, there is pack thing that goes on with Galra, and Keith has been getting super angry at Lotor’s attention towards me because I’m a part of his “pack”. He slapped me upside the head (light heartedly this time) when I called it that. So he’s like technically the alpha of our pack, the pack being Voltron and such. So Lotor challenged him to prove dominance when he first encountered us.

Now, Lotor is trying to woo me or something. Apparently, he’s not just trying to dominate me, but he’s trying to convert me to his pack and possibly mate with me??? Talk about gross. I don’t want any purple alien dick. No, thank you. ~~Unless it’s Keith’s, but I’m pretty sure his isn’t purple.~~

But this means Lotor probably has a soft spot for me that we can manipulate. I just hope that if it comes to that, things won’t go too far before the rest of the team gets to us.

Keith is sleeping right now. We both agreed that sleeping in shifts was a good idea while in enemy territory. I’ve got about half an hour until it’s my turn, but I’m sleepier than I thought I’d be.

I think to keep myself awake I’ll sing a little something. Nothing too loud though, I don’t wanna wake up Keith. Maybe a little something in Spanish...


	14. Chapter 14

JOURNAL ENTRY: FOURTEEN

12:25PM (Day 134)

So I woke up after my turn sleeping, and Keith is not here at all. Wait, what the hell??? A screen just appeared on the wall opposite of me. It looks like a video feed…

 

Oh.

Oh shit.

It’s a video feed of Keith.

It looks like they’re torturing him… He’s all bloody and his nose looks broken. And there are already dark bruises on his cheeks. His left eye looks like he can’t even see out of it. But his face is as steely as ever. Atta boy.

 

Lotor just smiled at the camera and said something about taking Keith's “Amareot”? Am I spelling that right? What the hell even is that?

What worries me, though, isn’t the torture. I know Keith can withstand some profoundly fucked up shit.

But when Lotor said he would take away his “Amareot,” Keith went still, and honestly, that is the most terrified I’ve ever seen him. It’s scary anything could get him to be so obviously vulnerable. He’s supposed to be stronger than me, but in that split second, his face betrayed his emotions.

 

And then he went ballistic, clawing and scratching at everything he could get his hands on. The scream still echoes in my head, and it gives me some relief. If he’s still fighting, even if it’s pointless, he isn’t broken yet. And as long as we aren’t resigned to life like this, as long as we don’t succumb, we’ll be fine.

 

 

 

I’m just starting to doubt a rescue will ever come.


	15. Chapter 15

JOURNAL ENTRY: FIFTEEN

6:45PM (Day 134)

They finally brought Keith back, and to say he’s in bad shape would be an understatement. I really wanted to ask him about the whole “Amareot” thing, but it’s obvious he’s not in a good place.

I guess I’m not either?? I haven’t really given everything much thought, which is weird considering how much time I’ve had to myself. I dunno. Maybe I’m still in shock. All I know is that looking at Keith all bruised and bloodied is making me nauseous. I couldn’t even do anything to help him. I just screamed at that stupid scream until my voice was sore, but his just kept going. He screamed for hours, it’s no surprise he’s passed out right now.

I’ve always known I’m the least helpful paladin, but that Galra piece of shit prince just **_had_** to rub it in. I’ll show that asshole what’s what.

 

Ugh, that’s it. Keith’s getting worse. I think he has a fever because he feels hotter than the damn sun. I’m just gonna yell at the camera I noticed a few minutes ago until I get a response.

 

Lotor doesn’t know what’s coming for him.


	16. Chapter 16

JOURNAL ENTRY: SIXTEEN

12:12AM (Day 135)

Lotor came down after a few hours of my yelling (and the fact that Keith didn’t wake up made me nearly shit my pants with worry). He wore a face of interest that only seem more fascinated after I demanded medical attention for Keith.

The sicko asked me why I cared about Keith after he proved to be the more dominant Galra. I told that prick that strength didn’t mean jack, especially not if the stronger one is a dick. (Besides, if it had been a fair fight, Keith would've won).

Then he, like, paused for a while (which was really awkward) and asked if helping Keith would help win my favor.

SOOOoooOOOooo yeah, Lotor is trying to court me, in his weird, Galra, power-dominated way. I mean, why he would is beyond me, honestly. And I wish it didn't make me blush so much. I don't like him. Yeah he's hot, but I'm pansexual. I don't like dickwads. I don't think I'll ever be able to like him, but what will he do if figures that out?

I mean, I didn’t know what else what I could do, so I just told him yes. Then, he left. Hopefully, he’ll be back with something for Keith.

 

 

His fever is getting worse.


End file.
